love

so lets start with a happy thought. love. the most wonderful emotion of all. well, most ppl would agree so. anyway, think i have found it as well. at least i blieve so. the story is somewhat cinematic i say...
all my life, ppl called me 'shy'. true mostly. since childhood, i hav bn withdrawn and unfriendly. highly unfriendly with the opposites. i had few girl friends in school. pretty sure some of my classmates envied me. cox i got better grades. some didnt like me cox i was black. others cox i was poor. cant really blame them. thats sort of a culture in our uncivilized societies. but those who liked me liked me in spite of all my limitations or disadvantages. anyway, what im trying to say is, nurture did its part quite well to give me the 'introvert' personality...
so, things were no different when it came to finding guys. never had a bf until after i graduated from college. well, not that no guy approached me. there were some. to be exact, two guy did actually try. few others wanted too, but didnt dare try i guess...

the real thing

dear diary,
here i am. once again. after a long time. thought i would give it a chance. just once more. but it is hard. no idea why. well, thats not entirely true. maybe its fear. of others knowing. of the self within. the real thing. but i need this. i need you. to unload my mind. unleash the thoughts. happy and sad. right and wrong. clear and confused. love and anger. cox i know now. there is no one else. who might listen. understand. or i dun want to burden others. its not fair. so here i go...!

Love... does it spare anybody?

1st September 2008...
i receive a surprising news...
he has gotten engaged...
i couldn't believe my ears...

i pretend to be calm...
but it was like rush hour...
both in my heart and mind...
then i could pretend no more...

i broke before my friend...
i was not in pain...
but my eyes overflowed...
but for what reason...

never was he mine to say...
never he said he loved me...
never he promised any such...
never he gave me hope...

yet i weaned like a baby...
complained to God...
but for what reason..
I know not...

what was that i felt...
was it love or what?...

The Day I Died...

The sun shined so bright
The day full of delight
All things felt so right
The day that I died

Heart felt no burden cry
Much like a dessert fried dry
By the steaming sun in the sky
The day that I died

Life flashed before my eyes
Memories ugly and nice
Like black and white rice
The day that I died

I am ...

i am like a dictionary

so thick and heavy

with so many w-o-r-ds

yet i don't speak a w-o-r-d